To spank or not to spank...

[kimmypoo]

DD is 7 months now and the other day she grabbed a handful of my mom's hair. My mom popped her on the hand and told her "no, that's not nice." She didn't hurt her or anything. I just bit my tongue because I didn't want a lecture on why you should start discipline early , but my question is this: isn't 7 months still a little too early for "spanking"?
I don't think she did anything that deserved a spanking. She just thought "ooh, that looks interesting. I wonder what it feels/tastes/smells like!" You can't punish her for being curious, right?
If she does something she shouldn't, I'll tell her in a stern voice"No, that's not nice." But a baby's attention span is so short, I think it's pointless to spank/punish right now.
If she willfully did something she wasn't supposed to do, then I wouldn't have minded so much, but I don't think she understands yet.
Or does she understand more than I give her credit for? I don't want to be one of those pushover moms who think their kid can do no wrong.
And also, I don't want to spank her for just anything. I want her to know that if she gets a spanking, I mean business.
What do ya'll think?

[Crabbie]

Yes 7 months old is too early to spank. You need to teach her early to not pull hair, hitting her over it might do the trick but there is no need for that. Being firm and consistent is the way to go.

[Ostara Otter]

Holy shit. She hit your BABY!! An INFANT. Not even a toddler! YES that's too early, even if hitting kids WAS acceptable.

[kimmypoo]

Thanks guys that's what I was thinking. So how do I explain this to my mom without offending her? Because if I had said something to her, she would have said "Well, I popped your and your brother's hand when you were that little, and ya'll turned out fine." And really it wasn't a "hit," it was just a tap. (I'm not trying to excuse it. I'm just saying it didn't hurt her.)

[elfsmomma]

Honestly your mom isn't the mother of the baby so she doesn't get to determine what punishment is acceptable.  Just telling her that you don't want your child spanked and that it is your place if/when you feel it's needed should be enough.  It really doesn't matter what she chose to do when you and your brother were kids when making decisions about another child.  Taking your baby back from her and explaining how you want the situation handled would be acceptable as well. 

[WyattsWunch]

Honestly, it might have been a knee-jerk reaction, especially if she raised her kids with spanking. Yes, ITA that is too young to spank a little hand, but even if I didn't, that's not the point. It's not how YOU parent. That is the most important factor. And yet, there is the delicate issue about her being your mom. You want her to know how you feel, but not make her feel attacked. You might want to try something like, "Hey mom, I want to talk about what happened the other day when DD pulled your hair. I know it was just a little pop on the hand, but we are choosing not to use corporal punishment at this time (or ever, whatever you're choosing to do), it doesn't work for us. Thank  you for always being so aproachable and understanding, I really appreciate you respecting me and I'm so glad you're DD's grandmother!"

[sarsie]

Yeah, I think it was probably knee-jerk.  I think 7 months is too young, and I'm someone that has no problem with a little hand pop...but not that young. 

It's funny, though, my parents used spanking a lot-and with a belt.  My dad would simply reach toward his waist and we straightened our asses out let me tell you!

But, I don't do that-I have spanked my children (and my "spanking" is a pop or two on the butt-not an over-the-knee heavy swat kind of thing) on rare occasions, but never used a belt or any instrument.  So, one day we were over at my parents and my son wasn't doing what I had told him to do.  I had threatened him with all kinds of things, and he still wouldn't do it (I had told him to tell grandma thank you for dinner).  My dad, thinking he was helping, reached for his belt and said, "Here, do you need this??" and my son looked at him like WTF are you talking about?  Why would she need a belt?? lol 

Anyway, I at this age (7 months) they want to touch anything interesting-it's natural and they are too young to learn not to yet.  So, popping their hand doesn't do anything, because they won't remember that you popped her hand next time she wants to grab hair.

[kimmypoo]

You know, I really don't think it was a knee jerk reaction, because years ago when my cousins where about dd's age, they would crawl and get into stuff that they shouldn't. My aunt would pull them back and tell them no, but they would go right back to it. And this would happen over and over and my mom would be like "Oh just pop their hands!" or "Pop their bottoms!"So I think that she thinks it's okay. I grew up thinking that was okay, until I had dd. Now I realize a baby that little can't understand why their getting their hands popped.
We're going to mom's later today. I'll try to talk to her about it.

[Homestead Homemaker]

We spank, but not that young.  And our spanking is much like Sarsie's.

Maybe give your mom other options?  At that age, when my children grabbed for my glasses or my hair, I would grab their arm (really too small to say wrist) and firmly say "No-no!"  They reach again, I grab again and say "No-no" in a firm, serious voice.

I would also do "preventative" measures by putting my hair up in a clip.  You could say to your mom "If you don't want the baby to grab your hair, don't leave it down for her to grab."

[Ostara Otter]

Or just put the baby down if you can't keep from hitting an INFANT. FFS. 7 months is just .... Pearls territory.

[WyattsWunch]

Reading that it was not just a knee jerk reaction makes me so sad! Screw the diplomacy. Hey Granny- don't smack the baby or we're going home!

[kimmypoo]

I talked to Mom about it and of course she said that's how my brother and I were raised.    So, finally I told her, "You got to raise us how you wanted to, now let me raise my kid the way I want to." And she had to agree, so maybe that will be the end of it.   

[ScarySnort]

Good for you for standing up for your DD! And for yourself as a parent!

[elfsmomma]

It sounds like it went fairly well.  Obviously she wasn't happy about it, but it seems like she'll do it anyway.  Good job!

[YOPPin' the Dream!]

Kimmypoo, how are things working out with your mom since your talk?

For future ideas, one thing we did that worked really well, was whenever the babies did anything rough or painful, was to tell them "gentle" in a concerned tone of voice, and then touch them gently in whatever way they had hurt the "victim" (be it adult or another baby/child), then take their hand and physically show them how to give a "gentle touch".  It took a couple thousand repetitions overall (per child, LOL), but then again, so does the hand-swatting thing-- I did try that with my oldest.  (Probably not until about a year old, though, but still...  )  So you could tell your mom, "well, if I'm going to have to repeat myself thousands of times anyway, I'd rather repeat something that teaches empathy than something that teaches pain."

I think I need to revisit this baby/toddler discipline philosophy of mine with my now-much-older kiddos, LOL. 

Re: your other, older thread about teething and ear infections... Hyland's (and many other homeopathic brands) also make earache remedies.  I was fortunate that only one of my children ever suffered from ear infections, and he, poor baby, got them chronically, one after the next, from about 6 to 12 months of age. After trying antibiotics the first few times, I discovered the earache tablets. With them, we were able to avoid antibiotic use completely for several months, until my younger son's immune system finally got strong enough on its own, using the earache tablets, OTC pain/fever reducers, and regular visits to the dr. to check and make sure that the ear(s) wasn't getting any worse.